Defining Marriage

This morning I woke up to use the bathroom after Tim had gone through his morning routine. His work clothes were in a folded pile on top of our scale in on the bathroom floor. I had to weigh myself (according to my doctor – believe me, I don’t do it because I like it or anything), so I moved his stuff over and closer to the door. I then left the bathroom.

Tim comes back around to the bathroom. He goes to open the door and finds that he is having a hard time opening it all the way. He is thinking, what is behind this door? I was just in here. Well, his clothes are behind the door because that is where I put them.

So he says to me, “it's funny how you leave things a certain way and then two minutes later it has all changed.”

Um. Your point?

Then he says, “I guess I am still knocked over by the consequences of living with someone else.”

Okay. How long does it take to get used to someone? And when I say “used to”, I mean that we have been married for just over a year and lived together for a full year before that. Just like I know that Tim will inevitably leave his empty milk glass wherever he finished drinking it and that I will more than likely be the one to take it into the kitchen, he should understand that I am in his life to move his stuff around and confuse him.

I am sure that it is confounding for my husband to come back to a spot and find that his keys/mail/any given piece of paper/other item has been moved to another location. What I am trying to do is to organize him. Often, I will take important items that are his and put them up on the bulletin board, or in a place that seems more fitting (to me), instead of just on the coffee table or end table or whatever. That’s just me. I move my own stuff around as well, sometimes not always having instant recall as to where it ended up. Usually a good two minutes of hard thinking and wondering around our 1,000 square foot home (you would think the small size would help with misplacing stuff, but I have to tell you: not necessarily) will solve the lost item issue.

So, I am here to move his stuff. He is here to ensure that I always have drinking glasses with milk film on them to pick up, and we are together to share the experience. That is marriage, right? One big fat compromise and the ability to keep your sense of humor throughout.

I noticed while watching useless television last night that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt noted “Irreconcilable Differences” when they filed for divorce. Doesn’t that just mean that you have lost the ability to negotiate with the other person? I mean, if it is all a compromise, shouldn’t you anticipate that you will be compromising with one another on one thing or another for the rest of your lives? “Irreconcilable Differences”? Maybe a new box to check should be created: “We give up.”

Ms. Aniston and Mr. Pitt were married for over four years. What was irreconcilable? I mean, I don’t need to know. I am only using their situation as an example. However, I am curious as to how long couples seem to think that marriage is supposed to last. And if you have issues that cannot be reconciled, is divorce the only answer?

I’m not going to kick Tim to the curb for his errant milk glasses any more than he would fire me from wifehood for moving his stuff around. But maybe Jennifer just got fed up with Brad’s wet towel being left on the bed. He will never learn, she thought to herself as she dialed her lawyer’s number.

Perhaps there is a learning curve that I have failed to acknowledge as a newlywed. Like in four years if I don’t stop messing with Tim’s stuff placement, he will have to seek legal counsel. Or what if his milk glass thing escalates into leaving dishes everywhere, with more than just milk film on them?

As certain as I am that I cannot predict the future, I feel that most of what we will confront as a couple can actually be reconciled. We may have to agree to disagree at certain points (that has already been proven), we may even be able to note small victories with one another as behavior changes to favor the other’s preference, and I may be talking out of my ass because I have only been married for one year, two months and twenty days (give or take an hour).

It would seem that our situation could actually be termed “irreconcilable differences”. I do not plan to stop moving his stuff around anymore than he plans to pick up his glass and put it in the kitchen when he is done drinking from it. I suppose it is a matter of tolerance and trying to always remember what is important.

Rather than see it as a situation that cannot be changed, I just look at it as one more challenge that marriage presents. And maybe in ten years, I will have stopped with the irritating habit of moving his stuff around; while he in turn will finally pick up after himself.

Then again, if either one of us gave in completely to the other on points of pet peeves it wouldn't really be a marriage, now would it?